When she’s not helping pass gay marriage legislation, Tila Tequila spends her time gallivanting on the beach. Or so King Magazine would like you to believe. Don’t elves prefer dry land? Smurfville needs a new queen, so run along little one. Your 15 minutes are up here.

Never heard of King Magazine. Tila’s on the cover though. So, it must be a magazine about fake lesbians geared towards attention-starved, reality-show sycophants. You think “A Shot at Love” is your big break? Don’t be a reality whore. Stay in school.

Ironic that King Magazine has chosen 4′11″ Tila for their cover. That’s like Playboy choosing Clay Aiken for theirs.