If you’re 40 and marry someone 52, that’s okay. You’re both old, no big deal. If you’re 29 and you marry someone 41, you should rethink your decision. There are differences to consider. You can still get it on, at least once a day. On the other hand, your 41 year old mate, if he’s a guy, will just be in the corner playing good cop/bad cop with his wiener. Alternately yelling for it to “hurry and get up” and exhorting it, “c’mon, I know you can do it”. Now, if your 41 year old mate is female, then that’s okay. Cougars are the new thing these days.
Zhang Ziyi seemingly popped out of nowhere in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, made her way through the Hollywood scene and ended up with multi-millionaire Vivi Nevo. Nevermind that his name reminds me of both Elmo and Nemo. The guy’s supposedly loaded as a major stockholder in Time Warner. What can he offer her? Money? Power? Even more fame, money and power? I fart on his money and power. Did you just eat a 4×4 at In n’ Out burger? Probably not. By the way Vivi, Time Warner sucks. I also fart on your cable internet and your desire to throttle my download speeds. Hey Zhang, chirp me on my cell when you realize that you’ll never get 10 megabits per second.
Hyori has a new album coming up and her promotion begins and ends with sex. Do I care? Not at all. I do care about false advertising though. Lee Hyori’s breasts were not made in Korea. We all know that silicone is made in the US. U-S-A! U-S-A!! Actually, I bet those silicone bags were manufactured in China. They produce everything over there. That assembly line must be the greatest job in the work. You get to touch fake breasts every day and maybe even bring work home with you. By work, I mean 500cc of breasts.
If I worked at a silicone manufacturer, I would have a silicone breast monster in my closet by now. Different sized breast bags glued to a pillow. My breast monster would also double as a waterbed. Have you ever slept on a hundred boobs? It’s softer than any down pillow ever made.
“Having brought the first Asian American family to TV, I’m very proud to bring the second,” Cho told reporters gathered at the VH1 session of the cable television press tour in Beverly Hills on Wednesday.
It’s amazing that thirteen years after “All-American Girl”, we finally see another show with an Asian family at the center. Apparently, in Hollywood’s mind, Asian families don’t exist.
This second time around, her semi-scripted comedy “The Cho Show,” is coming to viewers on Cho’s own terms. It will revolve around her real-life parents and 3-foot-10-inch assistant Selene Luna.
For once, you can see a traditional Asian family’s life mirrored back to you. Because every Asian family has a 3-foot-10-inch midget (or dwarf? I’m unclear). If you have a hard time imagining your family with Selene the dwarf assistant onscreen, just pretend she’s your baby sister.
You may have eaten at Benihana, but never known the founder. Too bad, now he’s dead. I hope you’re happy. They call him Rocky, Rocky Aoki. Don’t ask me if Rocky is his given name. It sure doesn’t sound like a native Japanese name. Aoki’s greatest invention was combining theatrics with Japanese food, making it palatable for non-Asian consumers. You are now expected to pay $20 to watch chefs crack eggs on the edge of their spatulas or flip shrimp appetizers into the mouths of diners. Only in America.
If you’re wondering about the jheri curl, Aoki remarked that this way whites could tell him apart from other Asians. The guy was also a playboy, fathering six children by three wives, most notably DJ Steve Aoki and actress Devon Aoki. Benihana made Rocky Aoki approximately $60-100 million by his own accounts. Now that he’s dead, it’s safe to assume we’ve seen the last of Devon Aoki the actress.
Suddenly, epic Chinese movies are everywhere. Red Cliff by John Wood, The Warlords and now, Genghis Khan’s biopic, Mongol. No doubt those periods of war in earlier Chinese times provide rich stories and great filmmaking. Everybody’s jumping on the bandwagon now. I’m waiting for the Asian Epic Movie that satirizes these recent releases.
Mongol is getting great reviews. It is playing in smaller art houses. So, if you live in Bodunk, Nebraska, you will have to settle for whatever cam version is floating on the net. That is, if you get the internets over thar in Nebraska.
Follow this link to the movie site for Mongol. Interestingly, they have a Myspace page for the movie. Don’t know if that’s quite their crowd. That is, unless they have Genghis Khan in bootie shorts showing off some cleavage.
The most expensive movie ever made in China drops this week. Expect to watch $80 million of swords and horses echoing throughout Asian film houses. John Woo helms this pic and actors include Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Zhang Fengyi, Chang Chen and Lin Chiling. You know Tony Leung right? He acted in Ang Lee’s Lust, Caution. Great, great movie. Not so great if you’re watching with your grandmother.
Two words: softcore porn. Do not watch Lust, Caution with parents or grandparents unless you have a very open relationship. I saw sex positions in that movie that the Kama Sutra hasn’t discovered. You can do that with that? Yes..yes, you can. Now, if only there was someone to try it out on.
If you’re 40 and marry someone 52, that’s okay. You’re both old, no big deal. If you’re 29 and you marry someone 41, you should rethink your decision. There are differences to consider. You can still get it on, at least once a day. On the other hand, your 41 year old mate, if he’s a guy, will just be in the corner playing good cop/bad cop with his wiener. Alternately yelling for it to “hurry and get up” and exhorting it, “c’mon, I know you can do it”. Now, if your 41 year old mate is female, then that’s okay. Cougars are the new thing these days.
You may have eaten at Benihana, but never known the founder. Too bad, now he’s dead. I hope you’re happy. They call him Rocky, Rocky Aoki. Don’t ask me if Rocky is his given name. It sure doesn’t sound like a native Japanese name. Aoki’s greatest invention was combining theatrics with Japanese food, making it palatable for non-Asian consumers. You are now expected to pay $20 to watch chefs crack eggs on the edge of their spatulas or flip shrimp appetizers into the mouths of diners. Only in America.
The most expensive movie ever made in China drops this week. Expect to watch $80 million of swords and horses echoing throughout Asian film houses. John Woo helms this pic and actors include Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Zhang Fengyi, Chang Chen and Lin Chiling. You know Tony Leung right? He acted in Ang Lee’s Lust, Caution. Great, great movie. Not so great if you’re watching with your grandmother.
