San Jose Mercury News must be trying to corner the market on Asian-American Olympians. Last week, they profiled Kevin Tan. This week, they switch their focus to Tara Kirk. She’ll attempt to qualify for the Olympic Games this Sunday at the swim trials.

Qualifying for the Beijing Games has special meaning for Kirk, whose mother, Margaret, is Chinese-American. She [Tara] and sister Dana, also an elite swimmer, didn’t have strong ties to their Asian roots while growing up on Puget Sound.

“I know I am Chinese,” said Margaret, an electrical engineer who once served on the Bremerton School Board. “Tara doesn’t look Asian. For her, she had to discover it herself.”

By “discover”, her mother meant Tara’s sudden predilection for Tap-X. Mmmm mmm. Everyone loves bubble tea.

If you read the article, you’ll realize that a) Kirk attended Stanford University, presumably on a swim scholarship, b) earned a master’s degree in anthropological sciences with a thesis entitled “Reflections: Using Avian Influenza to Investigate the Pandemic of 1918.”, c) was a Rhodes Scholar finalist in 2005, and d) she may qualify for the Olympics on Sunday and eventually bring home gold medals.

Suddenly, that 3.0 GPA you’ve been so psyched about doesn’t look so hot now. Plus, the closest you’ll ever come to the Olympics is rearranging your onion rings into the Olympic symbol. Fatty.

Former Stanford swimmer Kirk enters new waters in Beijing [San Jose Mercury News]

Superstar Namie Amuro takes her privacy seriously. She recently slapped a $22 million lawsuit against a tabloid agency. Their mistake was photographing her with her son while they were outside. Puh-leez, stop the diva attitude. Last time I checked, there was only one true diva in Japan. Seventy five year old Empress Michiko. And she is not having any of this, sista. Snap snap snap. Mmm hmm.

I can’t understand how anyone expects privacy in Japan. Have you ridden the subway there? Your ass will be grabbed. Plus, they have the highest concentration of voyeur videos on the planet. That was confirmed by Newsweek in their special Asian sex trip issue (check your newsstands).

In other Namie news, she will perform with Korean group TVXQ and tour eight scheduled stops, all in Japan. Again, she needs her privacy. Concert goers will only be allowed to enjoy the show through the spaces between their fingers as their hands cover their faces. Quietly shouted enthusiasm will be accepted.

Namie Amuro files a 22 million Yen damages suit [My First Gossip Blog]

CD sales have plummeted in recent years, especially in Asia. No surprise given that bootleg cds can be bought for 90% off retail price. Soon, we’ll buy them buy the pound. So, how do you entice anyone to purchase your music? No better way than posing semi-naked on the cover.

That’s what these teaser shots show. Once again, Lee Hyori reminds us why we like her so much. Hint: it’s not the music. I take it her album is called “Blaze Up”. I also assume this isn’t a concept album about arson. Ohh…wait. Could this be about that illicit drug called ‘marijuana’? Perhaps that’s why the cover looks like a box of rolling papers. How risqué.

No matter how high anyone gets though, they’re not going to hang a set of sweaty, size 16 sneakers around their neck. Just doesn’t happen. I’ve gone to a few parties in my day. Illicit activity everywhere. Underage drinking, drugs, illegal music downloading. Never have I seen people with shoes around their necks. Can you imagine how bad that would smell? While you’re at it, why don’t you just fart in your hand and rub it in my face.

Lee Hyori teases with 3rd album images [K-popped!]

The men’s Olympics gymnastics team has been decided. Big ups to Kevin Tan. He was named one of four men to represent the US in Beijing. As reported earlier, he’s had a couple of bumps in the road, most notably the passing of his mother to cancer. His specialty is the Olympics ring. He’s won the last three rings titles and was a six time All-American at Penn State. It’s unknown, though, if he likes long walks on short beaches.

The numbers are unknown, but Kevin will surely be one of many Chinese-Americans at the Olympics. Just participating in the Olympics will be an experience. It’ll be even more memorable as a Chinese-American competing in Beijing. Just don’t get kidnapped by the commies! While Kevin seeks his first gold medal, yours truly already has many. Even better, mine come with chocolate wrapped inside.

Yesterday, San Jose Mercury News wrote an in-depth article on Kevin Tan. The Olympic hopeful began his gymnastic trials on Wednesday. Sunday, they announce the six member Olympic team. The guy sounds like a regular joe. Sadly, he lost his mother in high school. That’s tough. Also, they bring up an interesting point. Each person who wants to see Tan at the Olympics will spend between $5,000 to $10,000 per person. National pride comes with a price. Hopefully, he makes it. At least, then I’ll recognize someone on our Olympic gymnastics team.

One area that China does well is their willingness to set up their Olympic champions for life. The iron bowl pays them back for all their painful training since childhood. Just watch The Red Race or Shanghai Circus School to see what kids in China undergo for success. Win an Olympic gold in gymnastics in the US and you get bupkis. An appearance on Leno, perhaps a Wheaties box, then back to surviving on a livable wage teaching gymnastics somewhere.

By the way ladies, you can stop your drooling over Kevin’s photo. Slobbering is so unladylike.

Superstar Asian celebrity, Kelly Chen, spread the good news about her marriage to her partner of 16 years, Alex Lau. At first, I thought she was over 40 and that she was overdue for marriage. Surprisingly, she’s only 35. Little known fact. Or maybe not. Babies born to women aged 30 and over tend to have more birth defects. Three times higher rate of chromosomal defects for women over 35, four times higher chance of Down’s Syndrome. Unknown is the increased chance at birthing a superhero, like Superman.